The Farmer's Grace

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An out-of-town pastor had been invited to a men’s breakfast in the middle of a rural farming area, and found himself charmed by the company and atmosphere. Before they all dug into the hearty meal, the group's leader asked an older farmer, decked out in bib overalls, to say grace.

“Lord, I hate buttermilk,” the fellow began. The pastor opened an eye to glance at him, wondering where this might be going.

“Lord, I hate lard!” the farmer proclaimed. Now the pastor was growing concerned.

“And Lord, you know I don't much care for raw flour,” he went on, without missing a beat.

The pastor once again opened an eye to peer around the room, and noticed many of the other men shifting in their seats uncomfortably.

“But Lord,” the farmer added, “when you mix them all together and bake them, I do love them warm fresh biscuits.

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“So Lord, when things come up that we don't like, when life gets hard, when we don't understand what you're saying to us, help us to just relax and wait until you are done mixing and baking. It will probably be even better than biscuits. Amen.”

How about that for great, down-to-earth wisdom worth considering when it comes to complicated situations?

While we find ourselves in a mix-up of so many things we don't, like the farmer, ‘really care for’, as we pray, trust and believe surely—as surely as God is God—something good will result.

We can’t know when or how, but “we [do] know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

The single guy, the centipede, and the church service

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A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for it, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he turned to the centipede in the box.

"Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and decided to try again.

"How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"

Again, no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, pondering the situation. He decided to invite the centipede one last time. He put his face smack up against the centipede's house.

"Hey, in there!” he yelled. “Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?!?"

This time, a little voice hollered from the box.

"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! I'M PUTTING MY SHOES ON!"


“A merry heart (laughter) does good like a medicine.
But a broken spirit dries the bones.” (Prov. 17:22)

The Resume of Jesus Christ

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Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13
Website: The Bible; Keywords: Christ, Lord, Savior, Redeemer, God-Man, Jesus, son of David

Hello. My name is Jesus Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my resume because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart.  Please consider my accomplishments as set forth below. 

Qualifications 
†  I founded the earth and established the heavens (see Proverbs 3:19).
†  I formed man from the dust of the ground (see Genesis 2:7).
†  I breathed into man the breath of life (see Genesis 2:7). 
†  I redeemed man from the curse of the law (see Galatians 3:13). 
†  The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant come upon your life through me (see Galatians 3:14).

Occupational Background 
†  I've only had one employer (see Luke 2:49).     
†   I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
†  My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me (see Matthew 3:15-17). 

Skills and Work Experience
†  Some of my skills and work experience include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind, and setting at liberty the oppressed (see Luke 4:18).
†  I am a wonderful counsellor (see Isaiah 9:6). People who listen to me will live in safety and security and will not fear evil (see Proverbs 1:33). 
†  Most importantly, I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins (see 1 John 1:7-9). 

Educational Background 
†  I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding (see Proverbs 2:6). 
†   In me are hidden all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (see Colossians 2:3). Hidden … yet accessible to the heart which welcomes me in.
†  My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp to your feet and a light to your path (see Psalm 119:105).
†  I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart (see Psalm 44:21). 

Major Accomplishments 
†  I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all time (see Genesis 1:26).
†  I laid down my life so that you may live (see 2 Corinthians 5:15). 
†  I defeated the archenemy of God and humanity and made a show of them openly (see Colossians 2:15). 
†  I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead! 
†  There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, located at: www dot the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my website. 

References 
Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

In Summary
Now that you've read my resume, I'm confident I'm the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart. 
To summarize, I will properly direct your paths (see Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life (see John 6:47).  When can I start? Time is of the essence (see Hebrews 3:15).

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[original creator of this bit of genius unknown, to us at least]